Hate - What it is & How to Heal From it
Millions of people hate everyday and rarely understand what it really means.
While you might be familiar with it, hate is a complex combination of thoughts, emotions, and even identity.
It's not a sign of "evil" people; hate has real psychological roots and context.
In this article, I will offer some insight into the function of hate and why it exists and how to break free from it.
What is Hate?
Hate is a self-preserving and aggressive feeling that results from hateful thoughts.
Hateful thoughts arise when something or someone is perceived as threatening to you, your identity, or your community.
Hate intends to protect you by eliminating those threats, often more than simply avoiding them.
However, we are prone to misjudging who is a threat and who isn't.
The Idea of a threat can be swayed by propaganda, manipulation, or simply misinformation.
It's a tale as old as politics - where marginalized groups are hated because prominent figures and majority groups label them as threatening the "culture".
Fun fact, the term "culture wars" evolved from the German "Kulturkampf".
If you're convinced that someone is at war with you, you might feel scared.
This is why most hateful ideologies end with “phobia".
Misplaced fear can provoke your protective nervous system and cause it to jump into action.
Why Do We Hate?
Hate is not a new sensation; it is as old as the human brain and body.
Hate was once a helpful tool for ensuring survival.
In the face of legitimate threats, it offered a method of active protection.
For a hunter-gatherer, hating local predators helped prevent death.
Socially, it protected against betrayal and often removed threats before they became harmful.
This still exists today - but more often in response to illegitimate threats.
Homophobia and xenophobia have risen in recent decades as a result of manipulation and propaganda.
Authority figures frequently label social groups as threatening, and the hate follows.
They can frame individuals and entire ideologies as threats to your identity or community.
While hate was once adaptive for survival, now it's generally used to push agendas.
Why Hate as a Group?
Hate is especially strong in groups due to in-group vs. out-group psychology.
Being in a community is like being in a tribe, working together to survive.
If something threatens your community, it threatens you and the collective identity of the group.
Persecution, whether real or perceived, only strengthens group cohesion.
Leadership may plant the idea that you are being persecuted - that way group cohesion grows stronger, and they are more likely to stay in power.
If your football team hates another school’s team, because that team hates you too, your in-group cohesion increases.
If they hurt one of your teammates, the group’s hate intensifies.
Hate is used in groups to increase unity and to keep criticism focused outward, not inward.
Why Hold onto Hate?
On a personal level, hate is incredibly addictive - it provides a sense of righteousness and power, activating dopamine pathways and increasing positive feelings.
That’s why it’s common for individuals to push others down to lift themselves up.
Low self-esteem creates a vulnerability to hate, as you may need others to be “lesser” for you to feel acceptable, if not superior.
Hate can seemingly protect a fragile self-image, giving power to the powerless.
Also, if someone else is the threat, it means you’re not; making you the protagonist.
This becomes even harder when hate exists within families.
In an abusive household, hate can actually be functional - it protects you from legitimate threats.
However, once you escape that environment, hate can retain its function without its usefulness.
The fear that once kept you safe still drives your attention and actions, even when there’s no longer a threat - hate that once served you begins to harm you instead.
How Does Hate Affect Mental Health?
Prolonged hate - whether from manufactured social threats or past personal ones - can damage your mental health.
It makes you more vulnerable to depression, anxiety, and chronic stress.
Physically, it weakens the immune system, increases inflammation, raises the risk of cardiac issues, and more.
Hate often ends up doing more harm to you than the supposed threats ever could.
When hate stems from legitimate threats of the past, you may continue to harm yourself even after the danger has passed.
Your life becomes an ongoing continuation of trauma that is long gone.
How Do You Heal From Hate?
You heal from hate by understanding yourself.
Low self-esteem and poor self-worth create vulnerability to hate - if you dislike yourself, you’re far more likely to hate others.
After addressing your self-image, look at who you're afraid of.
Are they an individual or a group? Are they from your past or present? Did they personally hurt you, or is their threat sold on the TV?
Examine what scares you, and then search for the reality.
Because hate is so heavily manipulated, it’s hard to tell when it’s real and when it’s not.
If your hate was valid, say growing up in a traumatizing home, recognize that hate is often no longer adaptive in the way it once was.
Hate might have helped someone escape their home, but when they come to live in their own adult home, they need to consider healing.
The path to healing is not purely love; It’s humanization of both yourself and others.
You heal from hate by expanding your perception of others beyond their perceived threat to you.
You can start to see them as fully human with depth, complexity, emotions, thoughts, family, passions, dreams, fears, and more.
By using your imagination to humanize others, you can start to recognize value in others as well as yourself.
Final Thoughts
Hate can and should be stopped.
Getting to know other people and debunking previously “threatening” differences is essential to healing from hate.
Healing on a societal level will require a great push towards humanizing behavior.
On a personal level, hate is not helpful once its original function has passed.
If you lived with someone who traumatized you, hating them at the time may have been protective.
But if you’re free of them now, hate no longer serves you; it's time to choose how you want to live your life.
