Gaslighting - Understanding its History, Purpose, and Impact
Gaslighting has become part of common vernacular, but it is much more than just your average word.
It describes a manipulative tactic with devastating consequences.
Gaslighting can be both intentional and unintentional - but it always has a specific purpose: to manipulate, control, and avoid.
If you want to stop gaslighting others or develop your own resilience to it, this article can help.
I want to help you better navigate the world of gaslighting by understanding its history, purpose, and impact.
The History of the Term "Gaslighting"
In 1944, the movie Gaslight was played in cinemas around the world - it portrayed a husband who attempted to convince his wife that she was losing her sanity.
He subtly manipulated parts of the home and denied that anything had changed.
The husband would dim the gaslights, which his wife noticed but he would convince her that the gas lanterns had not changed.
As this occurred, she began to doubt her own perception and sanity.
Over time, this term has come to describe this specific type of psychological manipulation.
While it started in the movie theatre, gaslighting has provided a way to describe interpersonal aggression where someone tricks another person into questioning their reality, memory, and perception.
The Purpose of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a conversational tactic used to assert control in conflict.
Conflict is usually when two or more people are discussing differences or disagreement.
If someone recognizes that their narrative is not being accepted, they might resort to gaslighting to "win" the argument.
Someone who resorts to gaslighting might not have a strong enough rationale to "win" their argument, so they might distort the reality of whoever they're speaking with to make up for it.
This can be twisting someone's words, outright denying facts, and encouraging self-doubt by attacking someone's awareness altogether.
Gaslighting is an aggressive defense to protect one's insecurities and maintain control over the narrative.
Majority of the time, this happens when someone knows they have done something wrong.
Someone might be threatened by the idea of accountability, something they need to take to accept their own wrongdoing.
However, someone who rejects accountability might begin to gaslight.
A gaslighter feels threatened by accountability because it affects their control of their own self-image.
Gaslighting is for the purpose of maintaining control of the story - and they need yours to match the distorted shape of their own.
To remain protected, gaslighting can dismantle the basic competency of the person providing the feedback - if the person holding you accountable can't trust themselves, they can't trust their eyes, ears, or brain, thus, they can't trust their critique that's holding them accountable.
As you might imagine, undermining someone's perceived reality and self-image can be extremely harmful to their mental health.
The Psychological Impact of Gaslighting
The psychological impact of gaslighting can be profound, both short-term and long-term.
In the short-term, gaslighting prevents any successful conflict.
Conflict is necessary, and often healthy, but gaslighting can eliminate most chances of it happening.
When there's no conflict, differences remain unresolved, feelings continue to sting, relationships weaken, and people leave more hurt than when they started.
Gaslighting might have maintained control, but it has multiplied the pain suffered by others - people who are rejected and shut down don't want to be around someone who aggressively manipulates just to maintain an insecure self-image.
Even worse, the people who are gaslit might continue questioning their reality in most relationships and most aspects of their daily life.
Over the long-term, gaslighting can leave you feeling like the wife from the film Gaslight.
It leads to severe self-doubt and distrust in one's awareness - erodes self-esteem, giving the recipient no option but to trust the perception of the gaslighter rather than their own.
This can result in trusting almost anyone else's perspective rather than your own - as long as its not yours.
A lack of confidence in your awareness often leads to a slew of mental health issues including anxiety, depression, OCD, and more.
If a gaslighter convinced you that you're blindfolded, maybe you believed them.
If you're blindfolded, would you trust yourself to cross a busy street? Probably not.
Trusting your basic senses and cognitive awareness are crucial to feeling safe and healthy.
If You are the Recipient of Gaslighting
If you find yourself the recipient of gaslighting, it is crucial to start building trust in yourself again.
Gaslighting undermines your confidence in the basic senses that let you know you're alive - it dehumanizes you.
Understand that gaslighting is not deserved - it has nothing to do with brokenness and everything to do with the gaslighter's insecurities.
You are not worth being punished for someone else's anxious thoughts - especially when they start to notice they've lost control of the narrative.
Self-care is vital to recovering from gaslighting.
Start with reflection and determine if you feel safe enough to continue the relationship or if boundaries are needed.
Then, protect your mental health by engaging in a grounding exercise - focusing on each bodily sense and identifying what you see, smell, hear, and feel.
Gaslighting can cause you to doubt your senses, so take time to trust them again.
Also, take time to evaluate what a gaslighter made you think about yourself - re-establishing a healthy self-image is key to recovering from interpersonal aggression.
Finally, you don't have to do this alone - building a support network and seeking therapy can help you process your pain and regain your confidence.
If You are Gaslighting Others
If you realize that you are the person gaslighting others, self-honesty is the first step - this act of self-awareness is crucial to stopping your gaslighting behavior.
To be honest with yourself, you need to your insecurities and what harmful behaviors they create.
You must become comfortable with yourself if others are to be comfortable around you - this means accepting feedback and taking accountability.
It also means taking a risk and being vulnerable with those you care about - if you defend yourself at all costs, it will cost you your meaningful relationships.
Start learning to be stood up to - we're not always the "good guy".
You can ask for feedback as long as you don't punish anyone for sharing their thoughts and feelings.
Anger and manipulation will be your biggest threat to others, so learn to manage your anger and accept the literal meaning of what others are saying.
If you feel angry due increasing anxiety and insecurity, breathe and self-soothe.
If you are tempted to translate what someone says, restrain yourself from reacting - contemplate what the best course of action would be for the relationship.
Understand that if someone is setting boundaries in your life, that means they still want to be in your life.
If you gaslight other people due to low self-esteem, you're likely hurt by something from your past - however the current people around you are innocent.
True connection can only be achieved when you are willing to take accountability for how you affect the well-being of others.
Final Thoughts
While gaslighting started with dimming gas lanterns on the silver screen, it has moved its way into the modern living room.
The purpose of gaslighting is to control and manipulate others to protect deeply-rooted insecurities.
It can devastate someone's quality of life both in the short-term and long-term.
Whether you are the recipient or the gaslighter, it must be addressed.
Only by overcoming gaslighting can we have meaningful relationships built on trust, vulnerability, and respect.
