The Rise of Main Character Syndrome
Why are so many people fixated on being the center of the story?
The popular term “Main character syndrome” describes individuals that behave as if they are the lead role in a movie, story, or game.
Consequently, these individuals view everyone else as insignificant “NPCs”.
Although you won't find main character syndrome in the DSM-V, it represents a pattern of disruptive behaviors and social conflict.
While someone with main character syndrome might be the hero of their own life, they sustain this view of themselves at the expense of everyone else.
What’s the Harm of Main Character Syndrome?
I find the primary reason that main character syndrome is so aggravating is its negative influence on social dynamics.
It is a perspective rife with problematic interpersonal expectations - which includes rudeness, disrespect, inconsideration, ignorance, and intrusive behavior with strangers, coworkers, friends, and family.
Someone with main character syndrome may consistently
Talk over people.
Ignore others in conversation.
Not consider any opinion but their own.
Seek attention in inappropriate ways.
These sorts of oblivious behavior can easily leave others feeling alienated, frustrated, resentful, or disconnected.
If someone thinks they're the center of the universe, that usually means there's no room for anyone else.
Signs of Main Character Syndrome
Main character syndrome is not a clinical diagnosis, but it describes a pattern of social behaviors that reflects self-perspective.
It reflects an identity that is so grand that it is naturally exclusive - meaning that one can’t share the spotlight with anyone else.
There are a few noticeable signs of main character syndrome:
1 - Take up Space at the Expense of Others
Main character syndrome is most easily identified by the blatant disregard for other's existence - taking up space but pushing others away.
Our existence consists of our body, our voice, our thoughts, our emotions, and our story.
If someone disregards you to make space for only their voice or thoughts, then they have a blatant disregard for others.
Conversations might always be about them.
The only emotions and emotions expressed and unpacked might be theirs.
You might think someone loves to hear themselves talk, meanwhile they’re blocking a sidewalk - forcing everyone to walk around them.
A blatant disregard for others means only making space for yourself, often butting people’s out other people’s humanity to do so.
Please remember this does not mean doing anything for yourself is bad.
However, when you begin to become the center of every conversation, relationship, or street corner - and burden others without their consent - then you might view yourself as a main character.
2 - Dominating for Control
In fiction, main characters often guide the story through controlling their relationships and environments.
A real person with main character syndrome might try to control others and the world in the same way.
They might take control of your conversations, your shared life decisions, or your relationships with others.
To manifest the power they believe they have, they might try to bend reality to fit their vision - a life they’re entitled to just by being the “main character”.
Oftentimes, you might feel like you’re in the way - your free will, difference, or disagreement might seem like threatening barriers to their false identity.
If you dare question main characters, they might turn on you or bully you into submission.
Main character syndrome is an unhealthy perspective, defended to ensure its highest chance of being true - often at the expense of innocent others.
3 - Lacking Empathy & Insight
If your emotions are the only ones that matter in the story, then what use is it to think of other people’s?
Main characters often exclusively focus on their emotions, thoughts, and painful tribulations, meanwhile ignoring how other people feel on a daily basis.
In fact, they might hurt you, but only consider how foolish they feel, rather then empathize with the pain they just caused you.
Main characters often only desire understanding for their own circumstances and are unwilling to share it with others.
Their attention are often purely invested in the matters of their own life.
When others bring up their life events, they might be treated with apathy or little interest.
If you try and elicit empathy from a main character, you’re bound to be disappointed.
4 - Reckless Endangerment
At the height of main character syndrome is the endangerment of others.
Not just ignorance or apathy, but imposed threats to the mental, emotional, or physical wellbeing of others.
For example, a main character is likely to drive way over the speed limit - putting everyone else in the road at risk.
A road with cars full of people, children, hopes, and dreams somehow becomes about one reckless individual.
If no one else matters, then there’s no one to consider protecting in the eyes of the main character.
What’s the Root of Main Character Syndrome?
Psychologically, main character syndrome is a perspective rife with narcissism.
It is a inaccurate view of oneself and their experience - where one person’s identity is falsely believed to be universally superior to everyone else’s.
Like narcissism, it includes:
Apathy for others
A desperate need for validation and recognition
A reluctance to see life outside of one's own perspective
A false grandiosity developed in response to painful childhood experiences
However, bystanders and loved ones don't deserve harmful treatment nonetheless.
In fact, the whole folly of main character syndrome is the absence of two truths:
You are always a supporting character in someone else’s story
Supporting characters are almost always the core of a good story.
The Life of a Supporting Character
A main character is nobody without the people they meet along their journey.
Luke Skywalker is nothing without Obi-Wan, Han Solo, or Leia.
Dorothy is nothing without the Lion, Tin Man, or Scarecrow.
A main character is the center of the narrative, but supporting characters bring change, challenge, and fill every story with life and adventure.
Friendships, family, and colleagues are all characters in our lives - they don’t sit idly and wait for you to walk into the room.
Instead, these people can make our life beautiful through their own perspective and actions.
Main character syndrome means you would have to see all these people as lifeless NPCs, essentially dehumanizing them to raise yourself above as the “superior” character.
However, living as a supportive character means recognizing your contribution to the story, but humanizing yourself and others in the process.
Each character matters - their emotions, thoughts, voice, and story all matter.
Humans are social creatures, and we are meant to be supporting characters in each others lives - this is a crucial adaptation that has promoted our survival since our earliest days.
Supporting characters make up our story as much, if not more, than the main character - so its time to live as if that is the truth.
What if I Have Main Character Syndrome?
If you can see this in yourself, you're off to an awesome start.
This insight requires self-awareness and openness to negative ways you might be living.
It takes courage to face the worst of your actions, but they can change with time and concentrated effort.
Thoughts and attention are malleable, so take some time each day to do the following:
1 - Practice Self-Awareness
Take moments throughout the day to observe how your thoughts and actions might affect others.
In fact, it would be beneficial to think of how others are feeling and thinking at any point in time.
So once a day, pick a person in your life, and try to walk in their shoes:
What do they feel?
What are they thinking about?
What do they want?
What are their fears?
2 - Think like a Supporting Character
Find important people in your life and look at the role you play in their story.
If you find that it's negative, then you can change it - mold your actions so that you can play the comic relief, the protector, or the mentor.
You can become the character you want to be in other people's stories.
3 - Practice Living as a Supporting Character
Learning to be a supportive character means eventually supporting others the way you would like to be supported.
This also means developing an awareness of others needs or actions.
This could be reflective listening or walking on the appropriate side of the sidewalk.
Being a supportive character is much more than just fitting in - it’s giving the same consideration to others that you hope they would give you.
Once you’ve considered others, its take to fill your role and act like the supporting character you want to be.
How to Deal with Main Characters
It's not easy to navigate shared spaces with narcissistic characters - but the good news is that you don't have to accept poor treatment.
Here are some important things to consider if you recognize main characters in your life:
1 - Have Patience and Trust in Yourself
You don't have to be patient with others because they deserve it, but because you would benefit from it.
Understand, for yourself, that someone's ignorance is not reflective of your value - it is emblematic of their shallow perspective.
That is not to say their actions aren’t rude or unjust - it is that their actions don’t reflect anything about you, and it's important to trust that.
Main character syndrome often results in dehumanizing others as NPCs - that’s why it’s important that you humanize yourself if you end up in their path.
2 - Set Boundaries
You are not obligated to constantly deal someone with main character syndrome and their hurtful behavior.
Boundaries are self-protective measures you can put in place to not be hurt by someone who can only think of themselves.
You can limit your time with them or you can stand up for yourself.
It's time to build up the confidence to stop appeasing and start setting boundaries.
Your health is important enough to create rules for how you allow yourself to be treated by others.
3 - Practice Self-Care
Ironically, the best way to manage someone's obsession with themselves is to take care of yourself.
This means intentionally developing a regimen of relaxing, fun, or fulfilling activities you can engage in to alleviate your own stress.
This can include any relaxation techniques, mindfulness, meditation, journaling for 10 minutes, or diaphragmatic breathing - all of which can improve your mood.
Supporting characters need to take care of themselves too.
Final Thoughts
Main character syndrome may just be an internet buzzword, but it also serves as an important reminder: Life is not about being the star of the show.
We have daily opportunities to be a memorable and lovable side character in someone else's story.
Opportunities to show empathy, to support, and value the perspectives of others.
Living as a supportive character often leads to a future of connection and happiness, for you as well as for others - happiness becomes a gift you can give as well as one that you can receive.
After all, the best stories come alive when we consider all the people who make up our world.
