3 Self-Permission Slips to Improve Your Mental Health
Fighting with others is one thing, but fighting with yourself is another. That voice in your head can be relentless, constantly calling you names or doubting your choices.
This voice is what we call “ negative self-talk” and it can run your day if you let it.
It can push you to work relentlessly when you are already exhausted or coerce you into attempting to achieve when all you desire is to spend time resting or meeting with loved ones. For example, if you are worried your boss is angry because you’re not working enough hours outside of the office, then that voice appears. It lets you know the awful consequences of failing, convinces you that you need to act immediately, and if you don’t listen, it will constantly peck at you with more guilt and anxiety.
Negative self-talk can’t be solved with a simple trick, but what we can do is introduce a stronger voice.
You need a purposeful inner speech that fights on behalf of your mental and physical health. Where negative self-talk manipulates or tortures you, positive self-talk gives you permission to do what you know is BEST for you. This means supporting yourself the way you would support a friend, and it starts with permitting yourself to feel your feelings.
You are Permitted to Feel any Emotion
Self-criticism starts with the belief that you shouldn’t be feeling what you feel. That everyone else doesn't or shouldn't feel this way. You may think others don’t feel anxious or angry, and that you are just “abnormal” or “wrong" if you do.
This self-criticism leads to spiraling, feeling anxious about feeling anxious.
Experiencing anxiety does not mean anything about you other than you are a human like everyone else. While your anxiety may feel bad, it’s YOUR emotional experience. Permitting yourself to feel emotions does not mean approving of your anxiety or perceived dangers, but it means accepting that the emotion is there, plain and simple.
For example, if you see someone stealing, you do not approve of the mugger taking someone’s money, but you accept that the event is occurring. Then you can then make a choice on what to do, if that be to physically intervene or call the police. You are allowed to feel emotions, even ones that don’t feel good or look pretty to others.
Giving yourself absolute permission to feel WHATEVER you are feeling is the acceptance that you are allowed to be fully human, just like everyone else.
You are Permitted to Rest
Anxiety over productivity is very common today.
Life offers structures to determine our level of role-related productivity (job, school, etc.), but there's plenty of life outside those roles. However, if you do what these roles demand, but it never seems like enough, then that's a problem. If you believe you have not been productive enough, negative self-talk will elevate your anxiety. It will remind you of all the consequences if you’re not working hard or long enough to satisfy expectations that may not exist.
Imagine you’re tired from a full 12-hour nursing shift at the hospital and you come home dreadfully exhausted. If you think that you "need to be more productive" and attempt to work more, it's worth asking why. Work is important, but how you take care of yourself is what creates sustainability.
Work is fueled by your physical and mental energy levels, which are sustained by rest.
Physical rest is one thing, as you can rest a sore leg while working on your computer or fold laundry. On the other hand, mental rest is only found in allowing yourself to be free of work entirely. If you’re overwhelmed with work and need time to rest, permitting yourself to do so is the difference between peaceful rejuvenation and time spent ruminating on how you’re not working.
Do yourself a favor and permit yourself to rest and play.
This is something you act on by being honest with yourself about what you need, like finding food when you’re hungry, or sleeping when your body knows it's tired. Permit yourself to act on what your body and mind are requesting. Allow yourself to initiate rest, and sometimes that comes at the cost of other commitments.
You are Permitted to Quit
Quitting is stigmatized as an action that indicates weakness of character or will.
You may have been told quitting is not an option once you’re committed. Alternatively, I will tell you it all depends on context and what it is you’re committed to. If you accepted an invitation to go see a movie with friends and you’re too exhausted from work, then you are permitted to let them know you aren’t going. Will they be disappointed? Probably, but only because they wanted to spend time with you. On the other hand, there are many circumstances in which quitting would not be the best option.
It all depends on context, but permitting yourself to quit does not mean you will quit EVERYTHING, it means you will find the balance.
If you are in a toxic relationship that feels inescapable, quitting is a viable option to best promote your mental and physical health. If work is tearing you up inside, then it’s probably a good time to start looking for other jobs. As an advocate of your own health, it’s important your actions protect you. Your mental health and physical health make the vehicle that will take you where you want to go in life.
You never have to quit, but you can, and it's worth considering if you would benefit from it.
Repeat After Me
“I am allowed to feel emotions”
It does not make me weak, it makes me as worthy as everyone else.
“I am allowed to rest”
It does not make me lazy, it makes me efficient and my efforts sustainable.
“I am allowed to quit”
It does not make me undisciplined, it makes me responsible and healthy.
