Kindness vs. Rightness - Which Matters More?
American society tends to lean towards obsessive rightness.
Your work must be perfectly right as well as your demeanor, perspective, schedule, and exercise regimen.
Popular media would have you maximize the rightness of your life, but why does it matter? For what end?
You'll be promised something, a better physique, a higher status, or a better life.
However, this obsessive emphasis on rightness has often come at the expense or exclusion of kindness.
It has led people to pursue rightness over connections, family, friends, coworkers, and/or anyone else.
Unfortunately, those people get a better physique, but are detested by those it was meant to impress.
They've reached a higher status, but they've alienated themselves from anyone who could share in their success.
You can perfect your obsessive rightness only to realize your life is not any better than it was before.
The foundational lie is that you can only pick one, kindness or rightness, but not both.
In reality, choosing both is possible, accessible, and rewarding.
To balance your focus on kindness and rightness, you need to know why each matter and the delicate interplay between the two.
Why Rightness Matters
The definition of rightness, in this case, means to be "true" and "correct".
A basic level of rightness sustains life.
You don't want to be wrong about which poisonous food to avoid eating.
You want to be right when remembering which species of snake isn't venomous.
You also want to be right when choosing who you trust - friends, partners, and employers who won't harm you.
Rightness matters when picking which career fits you, your needs, and your passions.
Most occupations require rightness to ensure you're doing what you are paid to do.
Rightness is pivotal for survival, from the job that pays your bills to the poisonous berries you need to avoid eating.
Reliability can be invaluable, especially if children, family, or friends depend on you.
However, there is a point where rightness goes beyond the point of useful outcomes.
When Rightness Goes Rigid
Rightness is useful, but it very much depends on the context of the scenario.
Does rightness matter when you work a job? Absolutely.
Does rightness matter when you build a deck that could collapse and hurt others? You bet.
Does rightness matter with menial mistakes that have minimal effect on others? I say no.
Rightness is crucial for managing calamity, not everyday mistakes.
When the need to be right escalates beyond the demands for survival, it becomes rigid.
When your cooking, wardrobe, and writing become as tense as survival, you might be responding to a rigid need for rightness.
This tension is hard enough for yourself, but it can be devastating if you place this pressure on others.
Rigid rightness is an easy way to eliminate kindness.
If you need others' behavior to match your rigidity for inconsequential tasks, then you might have an unhealthy desperation for rightness.
It could damage your relationships and possibly qualify you for a diagnosis of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD).
Rightness matters to a point, but anything beyond it is rigid and unhealthy.
Why Kindness Matters
The definition of kindness means to be "friendly, considerate, or generous".
Kindness is essential in the modern world.
It can be a sign of personal reliability as a teammate, friend, or family member.
If you choose to be apathetic or inconsiderate, then people probably won't want to be around you.
If less people want to be around you, you could end up alone - sacrificing your relationships, which are a vital part of the human experience.
Parental kindness lets children know they will not be abandoned.
Communal kindness lets neighbors know that they will be supported during uncontrollable catastrophes like tornadoes, floods, or famine.
Kindness is akin to altruism, which is a way to survive through connecting with others.
Like rightness, kindness can go beyond a reasonable limit and develop into self-sabotaging.
When Kindness Turns Into Appeasement
Kindness is powerful, but like rightness, it depends on the context.
Your kindness can be manipulated - it might be drawn on to help others escape accountability for their hurtful actions.
Your kindness should not be a get-out-of-jail-free card for those with malevolent intent.
While kindness is crucial for social harmony, so is personal responsibility for one's actions.
If your kindness lets loose someone who needs to be held accountable, that's appeasement and people-pleasing.
If someone tries to escape accountability by using kindness, that is flattery and manipulation.
Kindness can coexist with accountability - which ironically is an emphasis on rightness.
Which Matters More?
Rightness and kindness matter as much as the other.
If used together, you can perform excellently and connect deeply.
Someone who is kind, but not right, might not achieve what they need.
Someone who is right, but not kind, likely succeeds but does so alone.
Kindness matters as much as rightness - you can earn a mansion, but you'll need friends and family to fill it out, otherwise it's just a very large coffin.
Kindness and rightness are important to balance so that you can reap the rewards of both.
It's worth asking yourself which you practice too much and too little of.
Are you in a rigid search for rightness? Are you overly-appeasing towards others?
Do you need to hold others accountable more often? Do you need to get comfortable with making minor mistakes?
Final Thoughts
Kindness and Responsibility are both equally important and their extremes can be equally unhealthy.
If you have an extreme form of either in your life, you must find some balance by going halfway to the opposite end.
It's a scary thing to challenge what you feel is normal, but it's often the price of a healthier future.
If you can master the balance between rightness and kindness, you might just secure both for a lifetime.
